Moto slut

Confessions of a Moto Slut

Chick on a motorcycle.
Sorry if this is actually you.

No, no, not that kind of moto slut.

I’m talking about the kind of rider that just can’t commit. Can’t be faithful. Can’t stay married to just one motorcycle.

I sometimes see these guys on the forums who will throw out statements like “Well, I bought her from the dealership when I was 18, and I’ve put 260,000 miles on it in the last 57 years.  Still in love!” I have to respect it, but I can’t imagine settling down like that – at least not without doing some whoring around first.

I’ve ridden, owned, or built a disturbingly large number of bikes, and I have never once gotten off a ride and said, “Well, that’s it, I’m selling all the others and keeping this one forever.”

I want one thing on Sunday afternoon and a completely different thing Monday morning. And furthermore, I believe this is normal and right, and we need to stop the slut shaming. I just love and want to ride all the bikes!  If it has two wheels and a throttle, it’s probably good for at least 15 minutes of fun.

Hell, my father who is a veteran flat tracker and a grown ass man insists that the most fun he’s ever had on a motorcycle was racing 50cc monkey bikes around a warehouse, but do you really want to ride one of those things in to work?

This guy does.

Instead of getting irrationally obsessed with one particular bike, or worse yet getting wrapped up in the manufactured brand identity and motorcycle-as-fashion-accessory nonsense that the industry generates, just enjoy all the different flavors that riding has to offer. Stop hating and release your inner slut.

I love the feel of a sportbike between my knees, but that doesn’t mean I can’t also love the sounds and sensations of cruising on a Sportster or the thrill of two stroke as it comes on the pipe.

The is a rush that comes from using a motorcycle exactly as it was intended, putting yourself and the machine in the context where its qualities will shine. It will enhance and extend your abilities in ways that make you feel superhuman.  Unfortunately for most of you, your jobs do not entail taking bikes for test rides every day (mechanic FTW) so you’re probably going to have to settle on just one machine.

In spite of what I said about all bikes being fun, there is no “perfect bike,” and there are trade-offs with every configuration.  What we always try to do with our customs is to understand how the bike is going to fit into the lifestyle of the rider, and build a machine that’s optimized for the type of riding he is actually going to do.

Our next post will look at the major categories of motorcycle and the key design trade offs that we face as we put together our custom bikes.

I just want to escape this burning desert.

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One response to “Confessions of a Moto Slut”

  1. SoyBoySigh Avatar

    I think if we could all afford to build a custom bike exactly the way we want it, then four or five bikes should be enough for anybody. A light-weight commuter of approx 350-400cc’s or 500-600cc’s max for inner city work, a big-bore Super-bike for sport-touring and/or a slow-chugging cruiser for the really boring stretches of road where the photo-radar & moto cops limit the “spirited riding” and you’re stuck slugging it out with back-to-back grid-lock traffic (I’d recommend a lightweight lane-splitter without plates for this type of work) then you’d need a decent track-bike or two, plus an “Adventure-Bike” for long-distance rugged trails, a super light-weight MX-er for flying mid-air, a heavier MX for slugging out the off-road competition, maybe a small displacement trail-bike for light-weight hunting or “hiking” expeditions, a heavier model that you could haul more game on – a compact “MONKEY” type mini-bike for the trick riding on skateboard parks etc – and one or two trendy scooters for the bar scene. And then dual-seat versions of each of these bikes for carrying a passenger. Maybe all of the above in electric conversions. A good many of ’em in souped-up VINTAGE guise plus some more modern interpretations which have been retro-fried. And of course all of your vintage Superbikes have gotta be in the various engine configurations. A Honda SOHC-4 and DOHC-4 plus VF-series V-four, and a boxer-four Goldwing version and the V-4 transverse mounted ST1100 converted to something like a Guzzi V-4 or the new American “Motus MST” V4 sportbike – IMHO the ST1100 and ST1300 have potential for this type of thing – I guess Honda saw it the same way with the new CTX1300 but I’m picturing more analogous to the ’75 GL1000 all nekkid and “standard” – but hotted up in classic Superbike or cafe racer form. Might be worthwhile to keep a few of the competitors’ models in the garage in case a friend wants to join you for some Bol D’Or Classic or AMA Superbike re-enactment. The point being, you don’t have to settle for all of the STOCK bikes, you’ve gotta upgrade ’em all in every way possible and maybe THEN you’d fell a little more satisfied with ’em? At least, instead of riding the one and saying “this has the engine but the other one has the chassis” you’d get the best of everything in one bike. Well, the best of everything in that one category. The key is to get the best of everything in EACH category. Then at least, instead of riding a bike and thinking “Well, that was good but….” You could actually say to your self “That’s it, I’m selling all the other (sub-400cc V-twin dual-sport machines)”!

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